Calvin’s ZONE

, IF YOU EVER DEFINITELY WANNA GET LAID, HERE IS MY NEW BLOG SECTION: CALVIN’S SEX ADVICE: LESSON 1 - TALKING TO BABES AT THE BAR.

SO YOU ARE AT THE BAR AND YOU WANT TO TALK TO SOME BABES. YOULOOK ACROSS THE STREET BAR AND THEN NEXT  YOU SEE THERE ISA GIRL THERE ONE NAMED TANYA AND ONE NAMED PROBABLY SONYA. ANYWAYSYU WANNA KNOW IF THEY WANNA SEE YOU GET DOWN AND THEY DO TRUST ME. SO YOU GO AND YOU TELL THEM, HEY GIRLS, MY DAD OWNS A CARE DEALERSHIP AND MY MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO GIVE BACKRUBS.  THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING. YOU SAY, SHE ALSO TAUGHT ME HOW TO GIVE PUSSY RUBS, FIRST HAND.  THEN YOU SHOW HER YOUR HAND, YOU’VE DRAWN A NUMBER 1 ON IT EARLIER, THEN YOU GRAB HER VAG WITH IT JUST LIKE MOM TAUGHT YOU.  IF YOU AREN’T BONIN AT LEAST ONE OF TANYA OR SANYA INT HE NEXT 20 MINUTES, YOU’RE PROBABLY SOME KINDA FAGGOT WHO LIKES BADMINTON AND BASKETBALL, FAG.  IF THE GIRLS AREN’T RIGHT AWY TOTALLY STKOED ON WHAT YOU JUST DID, TELL EM THEIR SLUTS AND SPILL THEIR DRINKS. NOW YOU HAVE AN EXCUSE TO BUY EM ANOTHER WHICH IS ALSO AN EXCUSE TO POUR NEOCITRIN IN THE NEW DRINK YOU BUY EM.  I LIKE TO USE ABOUT 8 PACKAGES AT A TIME. GIVE HER THE DRINK AND THEN LEAVE. COME BACK IN 20 MINUTES AND OFFER TO GIVE HER A RIDE TO HER HOUSE.  THE BEST PART ABOUT IT IS THAT NEOCITRIN KILLS BACTERIA AND SHIT. SO, NOTN ONLY WILL SHE NOT ET A COLD OR IF HE HAS A COLD, WON’T SNEEZE A BUNCH, BUT IT ALSO KILLS JIZZ SO YOU CAN POUND OFF INSIDE AND SHE WON’T GET PREGANT.  FUCKING IDIOTS AT NEOCITRIN NEED TO START ADVERTISIG THIS SHIT!  I SAVE FUCKING HUNDREDS ON CONDOMS.

SO YOU’RE HERE CUZ YOU’RE LIKE ME OBVIOUSLY AND THAT MEANS THAT IF THERES ONE THING YOULOVE AS MUCH AS PUSSY MAYBE SOMETIMES OTHER THAN MMA AND HANGIN WITH MY BRO LIKE KEVIN BUT NOTALWAYS ITS THAT YOU LOVE COMEDY. MANNN CMOED YIS THE BEST WE ARE TFUNNEIST GUYS WHEN WE HANG OUT KEV N ME. SO NOW THERES FINALLY A MOVIE THAT LOOKS AT COMEDY THE WAY COMEDY WAS MEANT TO BE LOOKED AT!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaWFeGxuXgM&feature=player_embedded

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1498870/

YESSSSSSS. THE MOVIE IS CALLED THE 40 YERAR OLD VIRGIN WHO KNOCKED UP SARA MARSHALL AND FELT SUPERBAD ABOUT IT MAN ITS GOING TO BE AMAZING JUST LIKE THE OTHER MOVIES EPIC MOVIE, AND WHO COULD EVER FORGET MEET TH SPARTANS. HAHAHAHAHA I HAVEN’T LOOKED AT BRITNEY SPEASR TEH SAME SINCE1 JUST GUNNA KICK HER NI THE PUIT! I WONDER WAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER THIS TIME AROUND!

BUT I MEAN, COME ON GUYS! THOSE OTHER MOVIES WEREN’T THAT FUNNY THEY WERE OK CUZ OF THE BABES THAT SOMETIMES POPPED IN RIGHT BUT FUCK LIKE SETH ROGEN ISN’T COMEDY AN IM FROM VANCOUVER I SHOULD HAVE HIS JOB I CAN TELL WAY BETTER JOKES LIKE THIS ONE: WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME GETTING WITH A BABE AND YO GETTING WITH A BABE?! ANSWER: WHEN YOU GET WTH A BABE, IT ISN’T YOUR MOTHER!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ANOTHER GENIU!!S!

SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO GO SEE THEMOVIE WTH ME WHE IT COMES OUT, ILL BUY THE TICKET FOR SURE IF ITS TUESYSAY AND MANN I CANT WAIT!!! CALVIN!

WHO HERE LIKE GHOSTBUSTER. ITS THE SHIT, IF YOU DONT THINK SO THEN FUCK YOU AND GET AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I EXPLODE BECAUSE IM LIKE A BOMB ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF. READY TO GO OFF.

ANYWAY, GHOSTBUSTES ROCKS HARD AND DANNY AYKROYD IS THE BEST. FUCK CHEVY CHASE. HE WAS TERRIBLE IN IT.THAT BABE WAS HOT. ID FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HER. WHATEVER. DANNY ROCKS AND ME AND HIM TALK ALOT. WE GET DRUNK TOGETHER.

READ OUR CONO ON HIS WEBSITE THATS HOW AWESOME

http://www.danaykroydwines.com/Blog/#

HEY FRIENDS. GUESSS WHAATTTT???? I HAVE A TWITTER PAGE NOW!!! FOLLOW ALL MY TWEETS FROM EVERYWHERE. HAVE AN IPHONE? THEN YOU CAN FOLLOW MY TWEETS WHILE YOUR AT THE MALL! HAVE A LAPTOP, THEN YOU CAN FOLLOW MY TWEETS IN THE KITCHEN. JUST HAVE A REGULAR COMPUTER, THEN GET YO BUSTED ASS A REAL JOB AND GET A LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.twitter.com/CALVINMUNKTON

so bros i was on teh bus yesterday and this hellahot babees were all chekin me out and shit and i waslike yo gurlz wat UP!!? and i just no tehy could smell my fucken dope colone from guess and shit and they were up in my ballz like fucken will chaimberlan or whatever. and hten i like looked over and these fuken gaywads were pretty muchlike  chekin me out 2 and i was WHATEVER FUKERS I DONT EVEN HOLD TA THAT SHIT u know like WHATEVER!? i fuckin watch some MMA dawg and i dont even want to see no kinds of doodz in my shit. all my bros and shit no wut im talking bout RIGHT BROZ??Q man it made me hella mad cuz like i dint wanna beat up some dudez on the bus but wutever you no? some doods gotta no what im talkin about.

so anyway this gurlz or somethin are like checkin me out and i prolly got some #s. but anyway 1 of em followed me onta the train and the car was empty. U KNOW WHATZ GONNA HAPPEN NEXT WICH YA BOY CALVIN RIGHT?? doods, i fully banged htis gurl right on the fucken train. i was like YO BITCH RIGHT ON MY SHITTTTT!! damn and then the skytrain police or sum other kind of fagz came on teh train adn they were tryen to make me put my dick away or sumthin gay like that. so i said BITCH LETZ get the FUCK OUT!

NOW TODAY SHEZ CALLEN ME LIKE ALL DAY!! WUT THE FUCK RIGHT??

leavin messages on my iphone like OH CALVING CALVIN IM PREGnANT!! and im like well bitch i no you arnt pregnant but u prolly GOT THE CLAP!!! oh SHIT! ;D}

thatz just how C-MUNK rolls ppl. spred the wurd.

SOME BABE ON PLENTYOFFISH.COM (MY NIGHTLY HANGOUT) WANTED A DUDE WHO WAS DOWN TO EARTH. SHE FOUND IT YAAAAHHAHAHAHA!!

QUOTEW:

HEYEYEYEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYE
I
ITS ME CALVIN. DO YOU KNOW ME?? NO YOU DONT BECAUSE I AM NEWWWW TO THE TOWN. BECAUSE I JUST SPENT 1.4 YEARS IN SPACE. AND NOW I AM DOWN BACK TO EARTH. MAYBE YOU COULD SAY THE MOST DOWN TO EARTH PEROSN AROUND. YOU COULD NOT MEET A PERSONWHO IS MORE NEW TO THIS EATTH THAN ME. WHAT IS WITH AN IPHONE? ISNT ALL OUR PHONES AND I PHONE IF OWNE IT? ARE BLACKBERRSY ONLY FOR BLACK PEOPLE? I GOT QUESTIONA THAT YOU NEED TO ANSWER. PELASE EMAIL EMAILE ME BACK, ID ONT HAVE AN EMAIL ME SO YOU CAN EMAIL MY MOM AND ILL CHECK IT HERE EMIAL IS. MOMMMASITA74594@HOTMAIL.COM PLEASE EMAIL HER TONIGHT SO I KNOW YOUR ALIVE AND DONT HACVE TO CALL TEH POLCE BEAUSE I WOULD AHTE TO DO THAT BECAUSE I AHVE WARRANT FOR MY AREEST NOTHING SERIOUS BUT ONE TIME I SAW A DAMESL IN DISTRSS FROM SOME DUDES AND I BEAST TUP THOSE DUDES PRETTY AHR DAND HOW THEY AHVE MENTAL DISASPBILITES BUT THEY DESERVE IT BECAUS EHTY WERE REIUOUGHING UP A LADY AND THATS NOT OKAY. OKAY. NO LADY GETS ROUGHT UP WIHT ME UNLESS THEY LIKE IT IN, DO YOU LIKE IT. IF OYU DO ILL BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU.

ANYWAY.

TALK YOU YOU SSOOOON

CALV.

CHECK OUT THESE NERDS. I TOLD THEM WHATS UP. FUCKKKITTTTT. IM THE VOICE OF MY GENREATION,. GET USED TO IT. IM HERE TO STAYYYTY. GET IN MY FACE, ILL FUCK YA B ACK. BUT SERIOUSLY NOW, IF I CAN GET SERIOUS FOR ONE MINUTE. LOOK AT THIS SITE CAUSE THEYRE ALLK PANNSIES.

http://www.pandemicmedia.com/2009/funny-videos/entertainment/hide-your-glassware-nick-dreamer-is-in-the-house/comment-page-1/#comment-52

Yo so ive ben al over this world man ive seen some real shit like mydad eating a burger too fast and my mom eating asausage too slow if you catch my drift. I hope some day that my boys wll be outide my window holding me down when i getting all sortsof maried but untiul I get a bebe on my lap I think i gotta be real man you know what im saying? I ve been taking a jog here and there and I hide in the real zone because I think its cool to jog but some bitches have never jogged. I livein Toronto and if you are a babe reading this then you bettttttter call me because I think we have a thing man im so alomne help!  So babe my boys are all around me all the time and Ive been watching the ultikmate warrior ever single day and the best episode Ive seen so far is ninjas vs samurais and I think that honestly samurai is the best man we are theultimate warrior Its my dream to be on it becuse IVE BEEN THINKING AND I THINK I CAN HONSETLY BE THE BEST BEST WARRIOR EVER!!!!! so jeff yesterday was talking about some bulstit and he took me to the party and thnen he had ti puke so I saw some babes and onewa was getting nude but dude get this we were at a elgion  and babes dont gte nudes there theybonly get BONED seeeeeee and thisone was all chills because who wants t oget no lid right? CALVIN

so babes im lokin for a hottie who wants to tgake m out for burgers i know one burger and its the chicken burger from KFC and its declisioun and  Ireally thin its in the joint! wanna see me do a backflip? subscribe to my bideo!

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